Miss Mary's Gazette: The Newsletter of MissMary.com

Fat paunches make lean pates, and dainty bits
Make rich the ribs, but banker out the wits.

My Hearers: which had you rather be considered, fat and foolish, or lean and intellectual? It is to no purpose, however, to ask this question; for, if you are naturally inclined to obesity, so you must be, in spite of wishes to the contrary, and semi-starvation: on the other hand, if you were born to leanness, all the fat you can accumulate through life wouldn't be enough to grease the whiskers of a muskrat. Yet there are many who are born in a betweenity: neither to preponderate nor extenuate carnally; but it lies with their inclinations, appetites, and indulgences, whether their brains be buried in their bellies, or left active in the temple of reason and the palace of fancy. No fat matter has ever yet enlightened the world. Hogs-lard, mutton tallow, and whale oil, cast a lazy, lactiferous glare, that only serves to render the surrounding darkness still more visible; but the lustrous sun, like the man of intellect, has no fat about him; and he is bound to shine, and throw a light worth mentioning upon the world.

My friends: that fat paunches make lean pates is evident—not from my own experience (for my front view is rather monotonous and uninteresting)—but by particular observation. The man of fat is merry, happy, and humorous—the needles of care can't pierce through his flesh to prick his heart. He is so well-clothed, carnally, that his soul is always warm, and the sunshine that lights his interior is reflected in smiles upon his features; but all his thoughts come fresh and coarse from the heart, without being ground over in the brain-mill and converted into ideas. He has little imagination, less fancy; and if there be any poetry in his system, he hasn't the implements in his head to work it into language. All his pleasures are sensual—derived from roast beef, plum pudding, probably wine, and possibly women. He has no mental garden in which to gather the honeysuckles of love—the laurels of glory—the hawthorn blossoms of hope—the lavender leaves of assiduity—and the kennidias of intellectual beauty. No, he thinks from his belly, speaks from his belly, and cares all for his belly; for the reason that it contains so much more than his head.

Now, my friends, your lean man, whose ideas are comparatively unencumbered with carnal rubbish, imagines, ruminates, meditates and cogitates. He goes to the bottom of matters like a bustle; and when confronted by an equal, the intellectual sparks fly out like those occasioned by the flint and steel. But, my friends, I would not starve yourselves for the sake of being thought brilliant; for a body too much reduced weakens the energies of the mind, as much as a superabundance of flesh stultifies and stupefies the intellect. Eat moderately—drink moderately—be moderate in y our indulgences—keep the body in a fair condition, with a due proportion of animal and vegetable food—let physic alone, and foster no old grannyish notions—and your strengthened physical and mental faculties will probably make you distinguished for dollars and sense. Partake heartily of moral nourishment—put fat upon the ribs of virtue—swell the paunch of probity—imbibe the liquor of love—and you will attain wisdom; and wisdom attaineth goodness and goodness attaineth greatness. So mote it be!

[Originally published in Dow's Short Patent Sermons]

Fragment; or, Love and Decay

A few years before I left India , a young man had brought to me some very strong letters of recommendation from some of my connections in England , whom I was most happy and desirous to oblige. He had, in consequence, remained some time under my roof; during which period, his fine disposition and talents, his amiable heart, and his winning fascination of manner, had created between us a friendship very unlike anything which usually exists between men of such different ages as we were. He was above twenty years my junior, — and yet our liaison was more like that of contemporaries than of two men of separate generations. This may be considered the more strange on account of the habits and temperament which I have described as being mine, from so very early a period of my life—and I at first thought it so myself. But I found that the buoyant animations and liveliness of my young friend were of the greatest benefit to me; and, while they gave relief to the usual gloomy condition of my spirits and demenour, they concurrently diminished its unpleasantness to himself.

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For removing the scurf-skin on face and hands: This appearance is often produced on delicate skins by sudden changes of temperature. A good preventive is clarified honey rubbed well into the part affected after washing, and allowed to remain.

Pot-pourri, for jars or scent-bags: Rose leaves dried in the shade, or at about four feet from a stove, one pound; cloves, caraway seeds, and allspice, of each one ounce; pound in a mortar, or grind in a mill; dried salt, a quarter of a pound. Mix all these together, and put the compound in little bags.

To fasten loose teeth in the head, and strengthen the gums: Dissolve an ounce of myrrh as much as possible in a pint of port wine, and the same quantity of oil of almonds; wash the mouth with this fluid every morning. This is likewise an excellent remedy against worms in the gums.

To clear a tanned skin: Take some unripe grapes and soak them in water, sprinkle them with alum and salt, then wrap them up in paper and roast them in hot ashes; squeeze out the juice, and wash the face with it every morning: it will soon remove the tan.

THE CHERRY And How to Make the Most of It

The seeds of the cherry were brought to America at an early day by colonists, both from England and Holland. Besides these cultivated cherries, there is a wild cherry which is indigenous to this country. This is called in the books Cerasus Virginiana.

The wild cherry is more commonly called choke-berry. It grows not only in the Eastern and Middle States , but in the far West—in Utah , Arizona and other Rocky Mountain States; also in Oregon . The wild cherry is a great favorite of the Indians. They make a tea of the bark which they greatly relish. They also pound the bark fine, dry it in the sun, and boil it in meat broths. They mix it also with meal, which they make from various roots or seeds.

When skillfully preserved the cherry makes one of our most agreeable and delicious sweetmeats. It may be made into compotes, marmalades, jams, pastes, syrups, jellies, cordials, wines and brandies. In its preserved state the cherry may be drained of the syrup, then slightly dried, and glacéed, crystallized, creamed or brandied, thus furnishing materials for an endless variety of bonbons, confects and dessert dishes. The cherry furnishes one of the richest flavors for ice cream and water ices. And aside from furnishing ingredients in its ripe and natural state for pies, tarts, puddings and dumplings in summer, it may be bottled, and also canned, for all these purposes through the whole of winter.

I will now give several recipes for utilizing and preserving the cherry. And first I will prescribe a very simple method by which we may easily separate the pulp of this fruit from its pits.

Cut a quill as if you were going to make a writing pen, only instead of sharpening it to a point cut it square off at the end. Punch the quill through the cherry as a boy punches a potato for his pop-gun. Be particular to punch each cherry from the stalk end. Also handle it with care, so as not to break the fruit, and bruise it as little as possible.

A very cooling drink may be made from the cherry (which will be found to be particularly refreshing during the heated term) as follows:

Select the finest and ripest of May-Duke or Morello cherries. Pound these cherries well with the stones in them. The stones are thus retained because they add to the native flavor of the pulp. Press out the juice through a hair sieve, add a little water and give one boil; now filter through a flannel bag; add a small quantity of syrup—see recipe below) a little lemon juice and a little more water. Do not make too sweet. The tendency in all these cordials is to extinguish the sub-acids of the fruit in too much sugar. Put into a freezer surrounded by ice; keep this crock as cold as you with by surrounding it with ice; do not dilute it by putting ice into the beverage itself.

Take a quantity of the ripest Morello or ox-heart cherries. Cut off the stalks. Put the fruit into a stone or glass jar. Cover with the best of brandy. Allow to stand in a cool place three weeks, then drain off the brandy. To each quart of liquor add a half pound of best pulverized white sugar. When the sugar is thoroughly dissolved, then pour it back again so as to cover the fruit. Cork closely and set away for future use.

I warn my readers that cherries preserved in this form are not “milk for babies,” nor are they intended for Sunday-school scholars. They are rather the “strong meat” which one could set only before persons of mature and robust constitution.

Take the pits and stones of the cherry—as extracted for other purposes—and wash them perfectly clean from any particles of the cherry pulp. Bruise them very fine in a stone mortar. Put this powder into a demijohn. Cover this with the best of home-made or American-made Catawba or California brandy. Allow this to remain for three months. Keep in a moderately warm place. The extract, which will be the result, will impart a high cherry flavor to all kinds of confectionery, pastries and beverages.

Among the provisions for the day of sickness in the family, hardly anything will be found more inviting and efficacious than a rich flavor of cherries with which to tincture cooling and refreshing drinks, and among the various forms of cherry for these and other domestic purposes, none is more readily available than that of cherry syrup.

Take the stones out of the choicest and ripest of cherries. Mash the fruit to a pulp. Press through a hair sieve into an earthen pan. Allow to stand in a cool place for two days. Now filter according to previous directions. To each pint of cherry juice add one pound of best white sugar. Allow to remain at rest until the sugar is thoroughly dissolved. (This dissolution may be hastened by placing over the fire and stirring with a wooden spatula.) In either case skim. Now place again over the fire and allow to boil only two or three minutes. Take off the new scum and bottle for all sorts of household uses, “in sickness and in health.”

Take one quart of the best and purest of Catawba or California brandy, one quart of the juice of the best of cherries, and two pounds of the best white sugar finely pulverized; add the sugar to the juice and stir until it is thoroughly dissolved; add the brandy and filter through blotting paper.

The foregoing are all that is necessary in cases of ordinary sickness. If there are cases where we should observe the scriptural injunction, “give strong drink to him that perisheth,” cherry ratafia will be found to be still more positive.

Take eight pounds of the best of red cherries; add to this eight pounds of the best black cherries; also, two pounds of the best and ripest of raspberries, one pound of the best red currants, another pound of the best of white currants, three ounces of coriander seed, half an ounce of mace and half an ounce of cinnamon. To these spices add half of the stones of the cherries; pound these very fine in a mortar. Mix all the foregoing well together. Add two pounds and a half of the best of white sugar; put all in a demijohn, cork tightly, and allow to remain so for thirty days; now open and filter, then bottle.

The most historical use of the cherry in this country is cherry bounce. This is entirely an American invention. For good or for evil, cherry bounce has entered into the politics, and even the religion of the American continent, for several generations. It would seem to have originated with the “first families of Virginia;” but the fashion subsequently crept into the social usages of several other surrounding populations. There is no denying the soft impeachment that a long line of American statesmen, generals, scholars, physicians and even doctors of divinity, drank in cherry bounce with their mother's milk. A full review of the cherry in America would be incomplete without some allusion to the “make up” of this celebrated decoction.

I will therefore satisfy a very natural curiosity by stating that the main features of the genuine old cherry bounce of our fathers were as follows: Fill a demijohn or cask about half full of the best, the ripest and the wildest of Cerasus Virginiana—in plain English, wild Virginia cherry. Now fill up with run. Not the rum of our day, which is made of doctored corn-juice whisky, but the genuine old original rum, which was distilled from West India or Louisiana sugar-cane. Now sweeten well with a liberal supply of sugar—not the finely pulverized white sugar of the modern refinery, but with the coarsest and brownest old-time sugar, just as it came first hand from the molasses hogshead. Cork up tightly and allow to remain wholly undisturbed, not ten, nor yet thirty days, but from a quarter to a half year. AT the end of this space of time draw off, not into a French cut-glass decanter, but into the oldest, the biggest and blackest bottle you can find. When a governor, a judge or some other high dignitary of Church or State comes round, let him smell the cork. When it happens to be a bishop, mark the very peculiar expression of his eyes when he exclaims: “All taps is wanities!”

Injuriously strong as this drink unquestionably was, it was still honest, and it was made of the materials it pretended to be. And I give it as my opinion that it was innocent and harmless as compared with many of the adulterated and poisonous compounds which have been fabricated since by unscrupulous chemists.

Having got through with the various “made-up” dishes and decoctions which may be produced from the cherry, I will now return, before closing, to the fruit itself, pure and simple, without any sophistication or disguise whatever.

When we recall the enthusiastic praises of this fruit by the greatest masters of poetry, it might seem presumptuous to intimate that it is probably within our power to present even the native cherry under circumstances which make it far more beautiful than it was ever beheld by them. And yet such is my belief. Let all who red these few lines put the following into practice.

Have a quantity of the best, ripest and reddest of cherries, not only on the stems, but on the stalk and still in leaf. One hour before you set down to the first course, say celery soup, at dinner, put these bunches in the refrigerator. Have these stalks placed on a large white earthen dish, and brought to the table as the last article in the dessert. They are now not only refreshingly cool, but they are covered and dripping with ice cold-dew, every separate bead and drop which glistens and sparkles like a precious gem. Our cherries are now set in diamonds. This caps the climax of everything I know of in the way of an elegant and appetizing dessert. When it is thus served you enjoy this bounty of Providence in a much higher and purer form than even cherry bounce. You realize the fine description, made in another connection, by the poet Gray;

“Scent the new fragrance of the breathing rose,
And quaff the pendant vintage as it grows.”

Chit-Chat

Colonel Mavers On Intellect -vs- Fat

Fragment; or, Love and Decay

THE CHERRY And How to Make the Most of It